I was feeling both sad and a little nervous. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would my wife be grumpy or mean, as has been her pattern? Would I have to be on my guard to protect myself from her manipulation? Would my wife decide to reject the dissolution agreement and make things ugly?
At around 9:30 this morning, I arrived at the community house of my wife’s gated development. She was standing in the parking lot waiting for me. As I approached her, she said nothing.
We found a place to sit outside. I handed the papers to my wife and she began to read them. Aside from a few questions that she had, little was said. My wife only wanted a minor change made to the document.
We then discussed how we’ll tie-up a few loose ends. In the mean time, I’ll have the attorney draft the final document and e-mail it to my wife for her signatures. A court date is usually scheduled about a month after filing.
As our meeting came to a close, my wife began to quietly cry. For a few moments, we sat in silence. I thought about how, for perhaps the last time, I’m sitting next to someone I’ve shared over half my life. Twenty-two years. My thoughts drifted through all the experiences. As I looked at my wife’s tears roll down her face, I felt like crying myself.
Instead, I told my wife I’d e-mail her the final draft of the agreement for her signatures. I stood-up and walked towards my car. My wife remained in her chair. I remained outwardly strong. Inside, I was a wreck…
In A Way, Aren't We All? 
My thoughts are with you. Your post brought back the memories of the mediation meetings we went through.
I wonder if she truly knows what she wants and why she’s doing what she is – as I still wonder, at times, if my Ex knows.
Thanks, Caroline. I’m sorry to bring back such painful memories. I’m not sure I understand anything about what my wife has done. Her mom has told me she doesn’t think my wife really knows what she wants. Yet, everything my wife has actually done points to just the opposite.
When I saw my wife crying today, I came pretty close to asking her about how we got to this point…a sort of, “hey, this is you and me…what’s going on…” I refrained. I’ve tried that too many times with her already and been hit pretty hard. Still, I can’t help but wonder what she’s really thinking.
There’s a high percentage chance she doesn’t know why she’s doing it. She feels pain and has probably convinced herself the only route was escape. I just wish you could have found someone who specialises in Strategic Intervention. Your route could have been so different and passionate.
My wife was so adamant about not having any third party involvement. I would have done anything to make it work. It does bother me that I’ve never been able to figure out what has been going through her head throughout all this.
Flashbacks its such a painful process.
You’re so right, Serenity. I’m sorry I brought back those memories for you too. It almost seems unnatural to be so calm and collected when dealing with such an emotional issue. But, I suppose it’s for the best.
I went through the same thing at 32 years of marriage. When this point came, I folded like a cheap suitcase. I relented and took her back.
Now………….after another 16 years I still regret it. IF…….I had it to do over again, I would say goodbye and wish her good luck.
“We only miss what could have been. I know I don’t miss what really was.”
48 years of marriage is a long time. I’m sorry you regret taking your wife back. I suppose if I had the opportunity to take my wife back and did, I would likely regret it as well. I’m not sure I could ever trust her again.
So proud of you. Even though you were torn up inside, you did not let her see it and you gave her what she wanted … an ending to the marriage. Kudos to you for the way you handled her crying and the way you will send her the corrected document.
It is a sad time being w/her for 22 years, but you don’t need to spend another day, week, month, or year not being loved by someone the way you deserve to be loved. I hate to see the pain you are going through, but you are handling this so much better than I even expected you to. I think deep down, you knew it was the end … it was just getting to this point. Everything happens for a reason, even though you don’t know why right now, it will become apparent soon !
Thanks for all your support, IYC. You’re right. I’ve come to realize that we’re likely past the point of ever making a relationship work (even if both of us really wanted it to). Still, it seems so odd…
There is nothing wrong with asking, why are you sad why are you crying. I doubt she could tell you though and I am not sure it would be healthy for you to open that can of worms.
As a woman, I can tell you she is probably sad. She is facing the consequences of her actions and likely feeling some regret, if not a great deal of regret. She is also feeling a great deal of guilt. You weren’t abusive or hateful, she didn’t have any ‘real’ reasons for her actions, so her guilt might be overwhelming. She is likely also missing many of the same things you are missing.
Someday maybe, if you continue your relationship with the rest of her family; someday you might develop a different kind of relationship with her as well. Someday you might be friends again. Not now though, now you just need to heal.
Thanks for your insite, Valentine. My wife’s mom suggested something similar, regarding what my wife may be feeling. I just don’t know…her actions seem so contrary to having feeling of guilt or regret. I suppose I’ll never know what she is really thinking…